


Profit and Prams

by Nekuyo



Series: That one Quodo MPreg fic [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Episode: s06e23 Profit and Lace, M/M, Mpreg, Niche fanfic, Sort Of, episode fix-it?, ferengi are marsupials, ferengi have one sex, i explain nothin, only quark is pregnant, quodo, slight AU, weird ferengi customs, you'll need context
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-11-21 07:32:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18139256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nekuyo/pseuds/Nekuyo
Summary: Ishka and Zek come to DS9 in the middle of Quark's pregnancy because Zek was deposed from his position as Grand Nagus for being a feminist.Hilarity ensues.





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> Well... As always I will give the warning that this only makes the barest amount of sense unless you've read Jazzypizzaz's "can't buy me love" series. Which is where the idea that Ferengi have no physical differences between the genders comes from.  
> But deciding to get Quark knocked up was my idea. You can blame me for that one.

Quark hunched over his screen and punched a few numbers into the padd in his hand. Sitting in the back office in the middle of the day when there were customers to feed and drinks to fill felt weird and inefficient but, if nothing else, it gave him an opportunity to straighten up his more neglected accounts. And sorting out his accounts took his mind off of why he was in the back in the first place. 

Upon getting to work a few days ago Quark found all of his first shift waiters huddled around the door, waiting for him to open up the bar apparently. Quark, being used to a solid hour or so of quiet as he set up for the day, hadn’t known what they were on about. He had asked them what was going on but they’d declined to say anything until Quark had actually opened the doors.

Quark, suspecting that this impromptu staff meeting might take a while, went to pull a chair off the nearest table so he could sit down. His fingers had barely brushed the chair leg when Broik zipped past him and swiftly put the chair on the floor. Another waiter clapped Quark on the shoulders and gently steered him into the chair and the group gathered to stand in front of Quark. 

The group then proceeded to explain, in no uncertain terms, that they refused to let him do anything strenuous for the next two months. He was in a delicate state and they know enough to know that a pregnant Ferengi shouldn’t be standing at a bar all day and lifting heavy crates of alcohol or rushing around a busy establishment taking orders and stressing themselves out dealing with customers. In addition to that Quark’s often served a less than savory crowd and Broik had witnessed Quark get tossed around frequently enough that he knew it was a risk. So they were taking his shifts. 

Quark hadn’t been so livid with them since the union debacle. He’d gone straight to Odo to complain of the mutiny and found absolutely no help. Odo had been quite pleased with the news. He said he agreed wholeheartedly and that he was relieved that he wouldn’t have to be in Quark’s all day every day making sure that Quark wasn’t putting himself under any physical stress or wearing himself out. 

Seeing that Odo would be of no help Quark had gone to Bashir, hoping that a doctor’s note that he was still perfectly capable to work would settle the whole thing. Bashir’s opinion had been a lot of useless doubletalk. 

“Well Quark, in my professional opinion I see absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t be able to work through your pregnancy…” He said, giving Quark hope. “However as you’ve spent the last three weeks telling me how under-qualified I am to diagnose the Ferengi medical condition I’m afraid we’ll just have to trust the medical information I went to great personal expense to obtain from Ferenginar. According to all the ‘best Ferengi doctors’ you should be on bed rest.” 

Quark gave up after that and resigned himself to spending his working hours crunching numbers. It wasn’t the worst fate in the world, there were few things he liked better than dealing with large sums of money and making them stack up just so. Still, it grated on his nerves to be limited to it. To make matters worse, being limited to the office meant that Rom’s daily visits were getting longer and harder to get out of. With no physical busy work to use as an excuse to get away he had to listen to Rom prattle on for his whole lunch hour and then some.

Quark came back to the present when Rom increased in volume. He was working himself up again. 

“And really it should have one of those ‘changeling obstacle courses’ like Odo has set up in his quarters. Oh… Quark you’re really gonna need bigger quarters.” Rom was saying. Quark rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Bashir’s already confirmed that it has bones. It’s not going to be turning into any weird metallic corkscrews, or whatever Odo has set up in there now.” Quark said.

“Well… It should still practice turning into something. And it should have the room and resources to do that.” Rom replied, undeterred. 

Quark had already tuned him out and was almost ready to go back to ignoring him completely when he heard “I think you should ask Moogie.” 

Quark didn’t even need to know what Rom was talking about to know he didn’t like it.

“We’ve been over this before Rom, in order to get Moogie’s opinion, on ANYTHING, we’d have to TELL Moogie what was going on.” Quark said.

“I still don’t know why you don’t want her to know.” Rom pouted. “She’s been through this, twice even. If anyone would know how to make you the most comfortable during all of this it’d be her.” 

“Oh no, If she came here it absolutely wouldn’t be to make me more comfortable and you know it.” Quark said with a sarcastic laugh. “She’d make it all about her, or worse, she’d make it some sort of political maneuver. No thank you.” 

“She’d want to know Quark.” Rom said, trying to guilt Quark into calling Moogie right then and there.

“And she will. As soon as the birth is over and done with she’ll be the first person I call. But since you’re so concerned with my comfort, do you want to know what Moogie could do to make me as comfortable as possible?” 

“What’s that?” Rom asked.

“Stay as far away from DS9 as--.”

SKREEEP SKREEEP SKREEP-!!

“What is that awful noise?!” Rom howled, covering his ears.

“It’s my emergency message signal! It’s designed so that I can hear it all the way from the bar!” Quark answered. He pressed a few buttons on his console and the shrill noise stopped. He scanned the screen and his eyes went wide.

“What is it?” Rom asked.

“It’s an emergency news bulletin from Ferenginar. Grand Nagus Zek has been deposed.” Quark answered. “The Tower of Commerce is shut down until further notice and all financial going ons are suspended.” 

There was a silence as the two tried to figure out what this news entailed.

“But what about--.”

SKREEP SKREEP SKREEP-!!

Quark and Rom jumped and Quark slapped the console frantically a couple of times to shut it up. 

“Now what??” Rom asked, sitting down and rubbing his increasingly sore ears. 

“I don’t--” Quark stopped and checked the screen with a sigh. 

“Uuuuuurgghhh…” Quark groaned. “I’m gonna be sick.”

“Why, what does this one say?!” Rom shouted.

“It’s from Moogie.” 

“Is she okay?? Was she with the Nagus at the time? Does she know what happened?” Rom asked quickly.

“‘Zek’s been deposed. Fleeing Ferenginar. Will explain when… we get to Deep Space 9.'” 


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quark and Odo have a chat.

“You’re home early.” Odo said when Quark was home well before the closing of the bar. He might have been forced into more managerial duties, but Quark still liked to stay until the bar actually closed for the night. He said it was because he didn’t trust any of the staff to do it right, but Odo knew Quark found satisfaction in clearing out the space and locking it up himself. He was both sentimental and a creature of habit and therefore hated changing his routine. So Odo was rather surprised to see him home at this hour.

“After the news I got this afternoon I’m surprised I’ve made it home at all.” Quark said as he stumbled over to his lounge chair and collapsed onto it. He looked exhausted.

“Something to do with the news bulletin from Ferenginar I take it?” Odo asked. Odo had seen the alert about the Tower of Commerce going into full shutdown but had only spared it a moment when it came through. He should have known that was the kind of news that would disturb Quark.

Quark shot up straight, his eyes wide.

“The Tower of Commerce! I forgot all about that! My investments!” Quark said in anguish. Odo rolled his eyes.

“Calm down. It’s only a temporary shut down, I’m sure your money isn’t lost to you forever.” Odo placated.

“Right… right. I just have to get Zek reinstated as Grand Nagus.” Quark said, calming down.

“ _You_ have to? This isn’t a problem that will solve itself?” Odo asked. He didn’t like the idea of Quark getting involved in the political goings on on Ferenginar just now. It seemed like a lot of unnecessary stress just at the moment.

“Oh believe me, if it were up to me I’d let it work itself out without getting involved. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ll have much of a choice.” Quark answered. “Not now that my mother has anything to say about it.”

Odo didn’t know what to do with that comment. Quark had only mentioned his mother a few times in the past. Most recently Odo could recall he went on some rescue mission, one where Quark had exchanged the Vorta prisoner Keenan for his mother at one of the abandoned Cardassian stations. Odo didn’t care to recall most of the details, given that he had listened to Quark boast about the ordeal at length.

“Why would your mother have a say in the matter?” Odo asked.

Quark’s face went through a few contortions and Odo amused himself by deducing the train of thought that went with them. Surprise that Odo didn’t know something about him, offense that Odo didn’t know something about him, a possible realization that his mother had never come up in conversation, irritation, and finally acceptance of the fact that he was going to have to explain himself. He was proven right when Quark started talking.

“My mother is the Grand Nagus’ consort, and financial advisor on the sly.” Quark explained.

“A ‘female’ financial advisor?” Odo asked in mock derison.

“Well, he’s getting old and claims to be in love. It’s not surprising he’s making questionable decisions. And she’s always been a trouble maker. Making her own profit and getting me in trouble for it. In hindsight none of this is surprising.” Quark said. Calm enough to finally get off the lounge chair and proceed to the bedroom to start his nightly routine.

“So you know what’s going on?” Odo asked, getting up from the desk and following him into the bedroom.

“No.” Quark said after a moment. “But I do know that they’re coming here. And experience suggests that that means they’re going to want _me_ to fix whatever _they_ screwed up.”

Odo took a moment to process this as he let Quark get on with his personal hygiene uninterrupted.

Odo hadn’t met Quark’s mother, except in passing, and frankly the prospect suddenly seemed a bit daunting. Any woman who could birth, and subsequently put up with, Quark was likely a formidable personality. If Quark’s comments were anything to go by she was also completely insufferable.

He wondered if she would like him.

Odo knew that Ferenginar had very… strict and peculiar standards about what an appropriate romantic relationship looked like. Odo also knew that his relationship with Quark resembled none of them. Would that bother her?

Odo certainly had his suspicions that it bothered Quark more than he let on. That thought often worried at the back of Odo's mind. Quark clearly knew he was odd among the people he wanted to consider his peers, and even now Odo sometimes wondered if Quark's desire to keep up a front would drive him to leave their relationship. But Quark talked less and less about proper Ferengi businessman behavior these days, so Odo's worrying was likely unwarranted.

“And it's not that I mind helping them out, I really don't.” Quark's voice came from the bathroom, followed by the ferengi himself. Odo suspected he'd missed some of Quark's muttered ranting. He had the annoying habit of forgetting that not everyone could hear as well as a Ferengi when he was annoyed. Sometimes Odo would walk in on what appeared to be Quark mumbling to himself only to see Rom was there and answering him at a normal volume.

“It's just that they've managed to have such bad timing.”

Odo couldn't disagree with that. He didn't want Quark doing anything stupid for the sake of the Nagus just at the moment. Which Quark was usually convinced to do whenever the Nagus was aboard the station.

Quark collapsed onto the bed in a familiar ‘I've given up on life' sprawl with his legs hanging off the side. He couldn't be too far gone, since he'd managed to finish getting ready for bed and put on his ridiculous gold pajamas. Still, he was gazing up at the ceiling in unfocused worry, and his hands were clasped together over his abdomen in a somewhat protective manner. Odo didn’t care to let himself wildly speculate on what that could mean, remembering all too keenly the needless anguish he’d put himself through before Quark had come clean about the pregnancy.

Odo walked over to the bed and looked directly down at Quark. Quark’s eyes cleared and once he acknowledged Odo’s gaze Odo favored him with an expectant look.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or am I just going to have to figure it out myself?” Odo asked when it was clear there was nothing forthcoming.

Quark looked away and jutted his chin forward with a sigh.

Odo gave an annoyed ‘hmph’, unimpressed with Quark’s typical emotional obstinance. Odo positioned himself so that one of his legs was between Quark’s and put a knee on the bed as he leaned over and put his hands down on the blanket above Quark’s shoulders. Quark looked at Odo again, now far more interested in what was going on in the present than whatever it was he had been worrying about.

“You’re insufferable.” Odo remarked with a very put upon sigh. “How does anyone put up with you?” Quark grinned and propped himself up on his elbows.

“Most people would _prefer_ I don’t share my every thought with them, you know that right?” Quark asked. “Sometimes you don’t need to know.”

“I don’t know why, after all of these years of having it pointed out to you, you still haven’t grasped the concept that I have made it my business to know _everything_ about you.” Odo replied. He’d meant to make that sound menacing, but some errant fondness must have slipped through. Quark’s eyes widened and he went very still as a slight orange tinge developed in the ridges of his nose. Odo wondered briefly if he should retreat or double down on this path. It made Quark so uncomfortable when they got close to anything like verbal declarations.

Odo was confident that Quark knew how he felt, so why saying it out loud seemed as though it would make a difference was lost on him. Still, Odo found that he wanted to try. As an…. intellectual exercise, if nothing else. Now didn't seem to be the time.

“Especially now that you've got a part of me growing in there somewhere. I've got to make sure you're being less stupid than usual.” Odo deflected. “So if you're worried that something might happen that will affect the baby I'd like to know about it.”

Quark huffed in relief and relaxed, causing him to fall back to the mattress. He pushed Odo away so that he could get into the bed properly. He spent a long time fluffing the pillows and arranging them just so before leaning back onto them.

“There's nothing to worry about.” Quark said reassuringly. “I just would've preferred that my mother found out about all of… this, after the fact.”

Odo moved to lay beside Quark.

“You don't think she'll approve?” Odo guessed.

“No I…” Quark stopped and shook his head while waving his hand in front of his face. “It's too hard to explain. When you meet her you'll understand. Maybe.”

Odo scoffed in amusement. He was more sure that he and Ishka would get along than he was before. Anyone who aggravated Quark that much had to be worth knowing.

“Well, that will happen soon enough,” Odo said. “Their transport arrives the day after tomorrow.”

Quark groaned and sunk into the pillows as if he could hide from this unfortunate truth.

“We'll just have to face whatever crisis they present us with then, as there's nothing to be done about it now.” Odo surmised. 

“We?” Quark asked.

“Well, I did just say I had to make sure you weren't going to be doing anything stupid. If I'm not there who knows what they'll be able to talk you into.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm BACK. 
> 
> This chapter took a turn I wasn't expecting and so it threw everything up in the air. 
> 
> But that's okay, I'll figure it out.


End file.
